


And yet, I chose to love you (Side B)

by imjusttrashignoreme



Series: And yet, I chose to love you [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Again, Hajime is the one with hanahaki, Hanahaki Disease, Kinda?, M/M, anyway, was bored in class
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25985884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjusttrashignoreme/pseuds/imjusttrashignoreme
Summary: Hajime meant so much, yet so little.Nagito is at odds with himself.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: And yet, I chose to love you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886155
Comments: 12
Kudos: 72





	And yet, I chose to love you (Side B)

**Author's Note:**

> SIDE B  
> I haven't decided yet if i want to write a full fic of this yet or not, so for now i just decided to write a one shot out of Nagito's perspective.
> 
> If you've read Side A you'll notice that the style is a bit differen't. Side A was a bit ecperimental style wise and i didn't expect many people to like it so much. This, however is the way i usually write longer fics. 
> 
> For the full version of this please tell me which style you preferred? it would help me out a ton :)
> 
> have fun!!!

He was never supposed to be happy.

It was the one thing his life taught him he believed in without a doubt. Because he knew, whenever he was happy his luck would make other people suffer.

If he had luck, there was no hope.

Hajime had made him believe otherwise.

With him, Nagito had been happy. And he had thought, genuinely thought that maybe this time his luck wouldn’t take it all away.

He should’ve known better.

When they first met, Nagito had seen something special in Hajime. He might not have been able to remember his talent, but he still managed to find his place with the other Ultimates in a way Nagito could only ever dream to.

And Hajime kept surprising him.

Even after what happened during the first trial Hajime continued coming back to hang out with him. 

Nagito wasn’t stupid, he was fully aware of his classmates’ distaste for him and the hope he tried to spread.

He was not oblivious to Hajime’s distrust towards him.

And despite that Hajime kept talking to him.

He tried so hard to understand Nagito, to figure out what makes him tick that at one point he suspected Hajime’s talent to be the Ultimate Psychologist or something along those lines.

He had been convinced Hajime did it all out of pure curiosity.

But at the same time, he had been so kind to him.

He had praised Nagito, was impressed by his talent and treated him so gently and carefully, like no one ever did before.

Nagito was confused.

And how could he not be? He was scum, complete trash and unworthy of being so close to an Uktimate. Hajime’s initial distrust had been far more like what he was used to.

But eventually distrust turned into admiration.

Nagito didn’t know how to handle it. People rarely ever liked him, much less wanting to befriend him. But the way Hajime looked at him with so much fondness, adoration and lov-

It made Nagito feel things. So many things he had never felt before. And yet he knew what they meant, heard so many stories about it and it scared him.

He refused to acknowledge it because if he did, if he let himself sink into it, his luck was sure to rip it all away again, like it had so many good things in his life.

Hajime was special.

He’d been special to Nagito.

Reserve Course

The words seemed to glare at him from the page, taunting him.

Reserve Course

Naito was sure they were mocking him.

Reserve

Course 

Hajime wasn’t special. Not in the slightest. He had no talent at all. His existence served no purpose other than being a stepping stone for true hope. He was worthless. He was even more worthless than Nagito himself.

Anger flared up in him as he slammed the files shut and almost throwing them under the bed.

His hands were shaking.

He couldn’t get hung up on this.

He had to concentrate on taking down the Ultimate Despair and free the only one amongst them who deserved to be saved.

Nagito ignored Hajime’s face flashing through his head at the thought.

Most of his plan had been clear to him by the time he got back from the final dead room.

{Hajime tensed up as Nagito glared at him so harshly.}

The poison was stored safely in the fridge. He still needed to prepare the bomb.

{Hajime looked sicker with every word Nagito spit his way.}

He gathered up the materials he needed to start working.

{Nagito told him he cared about him. He hadn’t meant to, the words just slipped out before he could stop them. Tears gathered Hajime’s eyes. He might have cried. Nagito hadn’t stayed to find out.}

Nagito cursed under his breath, frustrated with himself. He fell back onto the bed and stared at the white ceiling. Hajime plagued his mind and wouldn’t let him do what needed to be done.

Nagito needed to stop.

He had to.

But he couldn’t.

So, he did the exact opposite.

He closed his eyes and let his mind wander.

Nagito remembered Hajime’s hands. He remembered them combing through his hair as they sat on the beach during sundown, no sounds exchanged, just silently listening to the waves. He remembered Hajime being so cautious at the time, as if he’d been afraid Nagito might run off if we got too close.

Nagito felt the ghost of Hajime’s touch all over him, his hair, his face, his arms, his hands, all of them from the small, stolen moments they had shared.

He curled into himself. Nagito felt cold. He was wearing his jacket, his room was heated and yet, he felt a chill claw at him in every place Hajime had ever so much as brushed past him. He felt them all.

He missed him.

It hit Nagito with such sudden clarity.

He missed Hajime’s eyes, the passion in them during a class trial when he finally put all the pieces together, the hope they held whenever it seemed like their classmates would work together, the way they looked at Nagito when it was just the two of them, as if he was the only important thing in the universe.

He missed his voice, how it was low and gravelly and tired in the mornings, how he laughed at some joke Souda made, how he whispered so only Nagito could hear, even when there was no one else around.

The words he spoke then weren’t even for the quiet night to hear.

Hajime always expressed so much, he was an open book and so alive and god, Nagito loved him.

He loved him so much and so dearly it made him wish there wasn’t a killing game at all, he wished he had never found those files, never learned the truth, he wished he didn’t have his stupid talent that always ruined everything, he wished-

In that moment Nagito wanted nothing more than to have Hajime with him.

Nagito got up quickly and bolted out of the door into the dark night.

It barely took him a few seconds to get to Hajime’s cottage not one step away from the door he stopped dead in his tracks.

{What exactly was he doing?}

Nagito stared blankly at the door.

{Hajime is a Reserve course student.}

A part off his mind reminded him sharply. His expression darkened.

What he, Hajime, and all the others had done, spreading despair, it was unforgivable.

Nagito turned back around and walked to his own cottage.

Yes, he loved Hajime. That, he could admit to himself now. But Hajime couldn’t be more important than hope. He couldn’t be.

After all, this was the true hope Nagito had been fighting for, right?

Right?

Nagito’s mind was made up, although a few doubts remained.

As he left, however, he failed to notice pink liquid leaking out under Hajime’s door.

**Author's Note:**

> HOW DOES ONE PUT THINGS INTO ITALICS ????????  
> I put the things supposed to be in italics into these {weird} brackets instead. I'll fix it once i know HELP
> 
> anyway hope you enjoyed it :D


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